RAW – Entry #13 – Radio Silence Experiment

July, 9th 2017 – WARMING, RAGE MODE

I know I have some catching up to do so lets start with now!!

At my age a lot of things come into question…. so of course I ask myself daily….

Is this really what I want for myself?
am I happy with my social circle
is this the right man for me
what do I want….etc.etc.etc

I had a great conversation with a friend of mine last night and he said that he’s going to dip off the radar because hes putting too much effort into his friends and not getting the same in return and that they just aren’t encouraging enough….

This got me thinking about my surroundings and today was the real eye opener…

There has been this dude who of course you think,  things are going to go somewhere and then suddenly things change….

the calls stop, the effort fades, the feeling of it going somewhere leads you no where…. but you still call – no return call
you still put forth a decent effort – get none in return
and the path you were once on, splits into two and now there is a choice to be made…..

to continue down the same route or GET THE FUCK OFF THE PATH…..

I decided to get off the path and just toss in the towel….

Frustrated that this has been happening for about a week my ZERO TOLERANCE meter has maxed out.

Any person who wants to be in another persons life makes the fucking effort – NO EXCUSES.

So I gave him the: CHECK YA LATER message and of course now I’m wanting to discuss my feelings and rationalize the situation and so I start down the list of people to call and not one friggen person is around, nor has anyone returned my call…..

I don’t have time for this shit, nor do i want to feel dissapointed about the people in my life that think they’re so close to me but make zero fucking effort to call me and say, hey how are you how are things……

I really need to re-evaluate my social circle and give it a good hard filter and seriously make a fucking statement about this already. I’ve said nothing to anyone about how im feeling and I think its fucking time.

They might get the hint since I am going to try the Radio Silence Experiement and stop responding to text messages and social media and only answer their calls – if and when they call.

I’m sad………… to feel like there is no one to call when you’re down and out, but always being there for your friends………. like fuck you guys……..

UGH

MAD LOVE – thanks for listening.

AG

 

 

 

 

 

 

RAW Entry #12 – Life Cycle

June 23rd, 2017

So it’s been a wild ride guys – my 23yr old cousin passed away tragically and the funeral was yesterday… 

The days leading up to yesterday were filled with  events that didn’t let me think about it and blogging today I feel okay to talk about it. 

It’s heart wrenching when you surpass your children on the earth plane. My heart broke a thousand times for my Aunty K and the family. 

It was a beautiful ceremony 

Mom read the eulogy, he was enlisted in the Canadian military and so there was the presentation of the flag and barret and just so many tears.. 

I apologize that I’ve been neglectful of my blog but life happens and it’s just easier to not have expectations. 

Family is everything and the I love yous are important – get them in. 

This is just a short explanation of what’s been happening recently. 

I’ve also met a dude who doesn’t want to be written about so that’s off the table… 

Other then that it’s pretty kid filled with my baby cousins I love like they were my own xo 

MAD LOVE 

AG 

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR ADVICE PLEASE COMMENT 🙂 

RAW Entry #11 – When

June 14th, 2017 

UPDATE: Just so y’all know I haven’t neglected the blog there was a death in the family. So I needed a few days. 

This person served in the Canadian Military, was 23 and has now saved 6 lives with his organs. 

So please send your blessing  🙏💙

BLOG TOPIC: when your so called bestie says she’ll call you right back and doesn’t 

Or when you send a snap of you having a meltdown/in tears to your bestie and she doesn’t  even respond but everyone else does 

when you boil spaghetti noodles on high and forget 

When life is put into perspective 

When you realize your full potential 

When you buy a gym membership to get back into routine after losing your job, ending a terrible relationship and emotionally eating 

When you don’t worry about money and the Gov calls saying you over paid on a loan and send you 50$ 

When you’re smart with your money and you can afford to fly home 

When you figure life out 

When school is paid for my the government so to take advantage of the opportunity to better yourself and your life 

When everything isn’t as bad as it seems 

When your family loves you 

When you start making soup at 7pm 

When!!!! 

Hug someone you love and show them that you care xoxo 

MAD LOVE 

AG 

RAW Entry #10 – Attraction

June 10th, 2017 

Maybe he just doesn’t think of me in a romantic way. Though his actions have lead me to believe that that’s not totally the case. Words have not been exchanged regarding the attraction between us. We live in separate provinces now, and with that I guess there’s no point to have those feelings?… 

Am I really willing to let this man slip through my fingers? – No 

From past posts you guys can see that I was just in a meaningless relationship, so it’s fair to wonder about why I’m even interested in this man. But he stole my heart a year ago just before I moved away and it’s been all heart strings ever since. 

Either way I’m grateful this man is in my life whether or not he’s “mine” 

I’m lucky 💚 – he’s been an amazing friend thus far and I strongly believe that’s never going to change. 
MAD LOVE 

AG 

RAW Entry #9 – Let go

June 8th, 2017

People aren’t pitty projects. 

K readers I’m guilty of maintaining a bad relationship on the grounds of feeling sorry for someone with the hopes of change and of course feelings that ended up fading over time. (No longer together or connected)

No I wasn’t attempting to change the person but did hope that they would notice (with my help) and make the changes themselves.

It’s like trying to revive the dead – once they’re gone…… they’re gone! 

That good old lesson of learning to let go. Which I SUCK at by the way. 

I tell myself “well I just wanna help” when really the best help they could get, is me letting go. I’ve  realizied over the years that my time and energy is best served to me and my life! So why can’t I just let go?? 

When do you make the call to just dump another human being because it’s not worth your time? 

How is it okay to say “fuck this” and just walk away? 

I feel that it resonates with my past – My father was a walk in walk out dad and that killed me as a child so it seems as if I’m not wanting to be that person so I stick with the shit until all my friends are like “what the fuck are doing?” 

Me: oh you know – NOT GETTING THE HINT 😐

Worst part – I torcher myself because I do things the hard way… which is childish and not helpful – let’s be real… 

But walking past something that needs saving or rescuing is heartless and I would never forgive myself – so at least I can say I tried…. 

But at what expense? – never ever jeopardize anything in your life or yourself for another human who DGAF Lol 

Make the better choice and walk away and work through the hard feelings and ask yourself all the questions you need to in order for you to feel okay with your decision. 

What I’ve got from this experience: 

I want a man who’s part of the solution, NOT the problem. 

I try to live by that saying myself. So why wouldn’t I want that for myself. As shallow and as selfish as that may seem I have that right. 

MAD LOVE 

AG